The Ten Commandments of College

Unix · Post by **Unix** » Wed Oct 13, 2004 11:18 pm

An email I recieved today:

The Ten Commandments of College

Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.

I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friendâ??s room. And God said, if you donâ??t nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you donâ??t know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wildâ?¦in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleepingâ?¦in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your schoolâ??s logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt ★■◆● a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall ★■◆● a lot. And it will not be good ★■◆●, it will be the ★■◆● of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the ★■◆●, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you donâ??t need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Studentâ??s chest saying, those will soon be ★■◆● tits. And it was good.

This is the word of God, follow the Ten Commandments of College or you will be smitten!

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 12:14 am

college is awesome.

im gonna print this ★■◆● out and put it on my door. werd

roid · Post by **roid** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 3:28 am

hahahaha, after watching black books that was damn funny.

xceptional1 · Post by **xceptional1** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 6:46 am

"...and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not. "

rooflez!~

Shadowfury333 · Post by **Shadowfury333** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 7:39 am

that's just digusting, expecially those last 10.

Sage · Post by **Sage** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:44 am

There where only ten of them you fcking retard. LERN @ CONT U FCKR!!!

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:49 am

Shadowfury333 wrote:that's just digusting, expecially those last 10.

well then college is disgusting, because those commandments are shockingly truthful.

if you're in college, maybe you should drop out.

if you're not in college yet, maybe you should consider something else.

if you already went to college; why would you do that to yourself?

BlueFlames · Post by **BlueFlames** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:54 am

that's just digusting, expecially those last 10.

Someone's not been to college yet. Not only are most of them pretty fun (except getting sick a lot), they're also pretty true. For example, it's not a matter of if you will wake up confused, it's a matter of when you will wake up confused.

Now, how am I measuring up?

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings

I wonder how long I can keep them thinking that I don't get the e-mail reminders... I already get two or three copies...

I- Thou Shalt Nap

So, I was asked in IRC the other night, if I had mastered napping in class. My response was that I had mastered it all too well, as I now instinctively and instantly fall asleep when a lecture begins. Definately got this one down pat.

V- Thou Shalt **** a Lot

Who says you need to be in college to do this? Oh well... At least I get to enjoy listening to others whine because the shared bathroom has minimal ventillation.

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight

Somehow, I broke this one... I came up twenty short on the Freshman-Fifteen last year. Oh well... Can't win 'em all, I suppose. Now, what's that thunderous rumbling I hear?

Robo · Post by **Robo** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 1:29 pm

BlueFlames wrote:Now, what's that thunderous rumbling I hear?

My bowels...

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 3:38 pm

Let's see how I'm doing:

I: Naps every day

II: I am sick as I write this message, and have been for half a week.

III:

"im totally somewhere else right now.

RAWR!"

"I really do wish I could be Dave Attell.

Until then, I will sleep."

IV: I own three hoodies, all three are my only upper-body wear

V: This is true, even though I wish it wasn't...

VI: Me and my roommates got a big ass package of it

VII: Yessir *flips open cellphone*.

VIII: I went to a gay-straight alliance meeting because they had free food and never came back.

IX: Hasn't happened yet; but its just a moment of time

X: I've gained 5 so far, and im not even halfway through freshman year...

Shadowfury333 · Post by **Shadowfury333** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 4:41 pm

Vertigo 99 wrote:if you're in college, maybe you should drop out.

if you're not in college yet, maybe you should consider something else.

if you already went to college; why would you do that to yourself?

If I'm at the right age to go to college, I would be going to a technical institute

If I'm not in college yet, I would consider a technical institute

If I already took post-secondary education, it was at a technical institute.

Lothar · Post by **Lothar** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 4:44 pm

They might be a very accurate representation of some people's college experiences, but then, most of them will come out with liberal-arts degrees.

The most important thing liberal-arts majors need to know is how to smile and properly enunciate "would you like fries with that?"

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 5:43 pm

Lothar wrote:They might be a very accurate representation of some people's college experiences, but then, most of them will come out with liberal-arts degrees.

I don't know. That fits most of the engineers I went to school with.

BlueFlames · Post by **BlueFlames** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 10:36 pm

They might be a very accurate representation of some people's college experiences, but then, most of them will come out with liberal-arts degrees.

Yeah... Physics majors don't get laid, so we wake up hung over and confused in our own rooms.

I've still got to try Quantum homework while drunk at some point... I hear it actually helps. Helps make the Quantum make sense, that is; women are still a mystery.

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Thu Oct 14, 2004 11:13 pm

BlueFlames, you're a physics major too? Small world

.

I can attest to most of those rules being true, at least for some people. I'm not into partying or anything, but I've discovered that the naps-between-class strategy has been essential for staying awake during class. I second the hoodie comment, as well; my UD hoodie has been a staple during recent cold spells. As for dropping a deuce...well, let's just say that dining hall food can be somewhat...disagreeable

.

P.S. I'm still hoping to dodge that freshman 15, though

.

Darktalyn1 · Post by **Darktalyn1** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 11:25 am

napping - yes
sick - no
witty away messages - debatable
hoodie - no
★■◆● a lot? - not more than usual
easymac - no, what the hell is that?
hook up - not randomly, no
join a club - no
wake up confused - no
gain weight - no

The list didn't really match my college experience

Zoop! · Post by **Zoop!** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 8:13 pm

Napping - More than ever.
Sick - Never.
Away Messages - They suck.
Hoodie - I live in Florida. So no.
****ing - If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
Fast Food - More than ever.
Hook Up - Somewhat.
Clubs and Organizations - Not yet. Planning on it though.
Wake up confused - Since I was born.
Gain Weight - Yes, then no....then yes....than no....currenty yes.

kurupt · Post by **kurupt** » Fri Oct 15, 2004 9:50 pm

pfft, prudes

Tank · Post by **Tank** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 10:00 am

Here's the link:

http://www.wfu.edu/users/watkjk1/The%20 ... ollege.htm

Zer0Cool · Post by **Zer0Cool** » Sat Oct 16, 2004 1:04 pm

Top Gun wrote:BlueFlames, you're a physics major too? Small world .
I second the hoodie comment, as well; my UD hoodie has been a staple during recent cold spells.

UD, is that University of Deleware?

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Sun Oct 17, 2004 1:29 am

Yep

Go Blue Hens!

WarAdvocat · Post by **WarAdvocat** » Wed Oct 20, 2004 6:33 am

Man that's the story of my LIFE and I'm waaay past college

Jeff250 · Post by **Jeff250** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 9:23 pm

Try doing all ten in the same day.