Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, \"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?\"
She responded, \"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you!\"
The lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, \"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?\"
She again replied, \"Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.
He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him.\"
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench ... and, in a very quiet voice, said, \"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.\"
Humor
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Hattrick
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LOL nice!
Here's my contribution.
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and
nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult,
four hour surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him
a partial sponge bath.\"Nurse\", he mumbles,
from behind the mask. \"Are my testicles black?\"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, \"I don't
know, Sir I'm only here to wash your upper body
and feet.\" He struggles to ask again, \"Nurse,
are my testicles black?\" Concerned that he
may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one
hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and
moving them around. Then, she takes a close
look and says, \"There's nothing wrong with
them, Sir!!\"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at
her and says very slowly, \"Thank you very much.
That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
\"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?\"
Here's my contribution.
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and
nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult,
four hour surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him
a partial sponge bath.\"Nurse\", he mumbles,
from behind the mask. \"Are my testicles black?\"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, \"I don't
know, Sir I'm only here to wash your upper body
and feet.\" He struggles to ask again, \"Nurse,
are my testicles black?\" Concerned that he
may elevate his vitals from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one
hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and
moving them around. Then, she takes a close
look and says, \"There's nothing wrong with
them, Sir!!\"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at
her and says very slowly, \"Thank you very much.
That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
\"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?\"
Pope Joke: Look Away if You Don't Want to Be Offended
Okay the old pope decides that since he's getting on he will elect a successor (new pope). He calls the 100 candidates into his room and then attaches bells to each one of their penis'. He then brings in a stripper and instructs her to start stripping. If the bell rings then the candidate will be sent out and will not become pope.
She takes off her top and 15 bells ring, she takes off her skirt and another 15 bells ring. She takes off her bra and 45 bells ring. Finally she takes off her thong and 24 bells ring. The current popethen goes up to the remaining man and says ' Congratualtions my son. he then hugs him and the bell rings.
Okay the old pope decides that since he's getting on he will elect a successor (new pope). He calls the 100 candidates into his room and then attaches bells to each one of their penis'. He then brings in a stripper and instructs her to start stripping. If the bell rings then the candidate will be sent out and will not become pope.
She takes off her top and 15 bells ring, she takes off her skirt and another 15 bells ring. She takes off her bra and 45 bells ring. Finally she takes off her thong and 24 bells ring. The current popethen goes up to the remaining man and says ' Congratualtions my son. he then hugs him and the bell rings.