DescentBB

Windows - Wants to be friends with everyone.
Apple - Keeps all its friends in a tight circle.
Android - Mostly open with all its friends.
Chrome OS - Still making friends.
Linux - Many of its friends are fragmented and don't always get along.
BSD - Likes stable and focused friends.
Unix - Likes hanging with corporate friends.
Haiku - Has really odd friends.
React OS - Also has odd friends.

Windows - Wants to own everyone.
Apple - Keeps all its captives in a tight circle.
Android - Mostly not bircked with all its friends.
Chrome OS - "How to be replaced by Linux dist"
Linux - --force install friends failed
BSD - If only Steam OS picked us.
Unix - hates sunlight.
Haiku - High skill level means friends can use any OS; no loyalty.
React OS - Likes to keep being alive and continues at it.

I liked Isaac's list best.

Unix is a curmudgeon now.